OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
