Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
