Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
