I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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