If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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