yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
