You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
