this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
