I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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