so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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