Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus

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(706): View more from Georgia

i would punch a child for taco bell

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(704): View more from North Carolina

You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.

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(334): View more from Alabama

I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.

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(518): View more from New York

no really all good couples have similar hair colors!

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB

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(509): View more from Washington

The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!

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