Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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