just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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