My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
