I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
