Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
