During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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