I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
A bitchslap is in order.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
