He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
