I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The air taste purple.
Randomize
