Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
