i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
