Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
