I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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