So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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