Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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