I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
