I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
