I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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