I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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