he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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