no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
