All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
