You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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