Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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