I'm so fucking centered right now
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
