My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
