I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
