They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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