you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
