it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
