Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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