her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
