You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
