I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
