i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
