in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
my poor anus
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