I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize