my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
