She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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