Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
