Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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