Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
