it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
