...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
