I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
