this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
