Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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