boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
