i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
