the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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