I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
