I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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