Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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