i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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