just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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