Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
