so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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