Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize