hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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